英文笑話5篇
英文笑話(1)
有一次，外賓Frank先生在中國某一著名景區旅游，完得很高興。參觀完后，Frank先生請陪同的中國人李先生吃飯。吃得差不多時，Frank先生用英語問李先生：Would you care for som"e more?（你還想再吃點嗎？）李先生用英語回答:No, thanks I"m full.(不，我吃飽了。）可是李先生發音不標準，把短元音[u]說成了長元音[ue]，即把：“I"m full.說成了“I"m fool.”(我是傻子）。令外賓大笑，笑得李先生不知所措。中國某劇院正在上演京劇，已經客滿沒票了。有位講英語的外賓很喜歡中國的京劇，想進去看戲。守門的人懂得一些英語，看到里面沒座位，便用手擋著外賓說：“Sorry, full.”（對不起，滿了。）可是守門人發音不標準，把短元音[u]說成了長元音[ue]，即把：“Sorry, full.”說成了“Sorry, fool.”(對不起，笨蛋）。外賓聽到守門人罵他“笨蛋”，非常生氣，難道來晚了就是笨蛋。[i] [ee]一個中國朋友和外國朋友一起練武比賽，外國朋友贏了，中國朋友對師傅說：“He beat me in the game.”（他在比賽中贏了我。）可是中國朋友發音不標準，把長元音[ee]說成了短元音[i]，即把：“He beat me in the game.”說成了“He bit me in the game.”(他在比賽中咬了我。）師傅責備外國朋友：比賽不能咬人。弄得外觀朋友很冤枉。[ere] [are]一位來北京旅游的英國人Blake先生爬長城時，口干舌燥，又累又渴。這時Blake 聽到導游提議去beer house(啤酒館),心想馬上可以喝到啤酒了,心里十分感激。可是后來導游卻把他帶到一個bear house（熊舍），看熊表演，讓Blake大失所望。原來導游把bear[bare]（熊）說成了beer[bere](啤酒)。
2002年春天，愛爾蘭姑娘莉莎（Lisa）隨母親來北京旅游。為了試一下吃蛇肉的膽量，莉莎帶母親去了北京一家有名的餐館，向服務員訂了一盤蛇肉。正當母親大夸女兒吃蛇的勇氣時，服務員卻端上一盤黑色糕點，讓母女倆哭笑不得。原來服務員英語不好，把單詞snake[snaek]（蛇肉）聽成了snack[snak]（點心）。
我國一位剛到美國留學的小伙子，寄宿在一位美國老人家。一日，這位留學生想找房東借一把刀（knife）把一根木棍砍斷，于是他匆匆拿著這根木棍跑到房東那里，說：“I want your knife”.（我要你的刀。）由于他發音不標準，把鼻音[n]說成了舌邊音[l]，即把：“I want your knife.”說成了“I want your life.”(我要你的命）。美國老人看見小伙子拿著木棍說要自己的命，嚇得差點昏死過去。
德國人常發不好[th]音。有一次一對德國夫妻去美國，在回答自己的年齡時，把thirty 中的[th]錯發成[d]，把“I"m thirty, my wife is thirty too.”（我三十，我妻子也三十。）說成“I"m dirty, my wife is dirty too.”（我骯臟，我妻子也骯臟。）
英文笑話(2)
簡短搞笑英文小笑話閱讀
笑話的作用多了,不開心的時候可以讓你覺得開心一點,而且知道的笑話多一點,可以增加你的幽默細胞,讓你整個人都變得有內涵起來,不相信試一試啊!小編精心收集了簡短搞笑英文小笑話，供大家欣賞學習!
簡短搞笑英文小笑話篇1
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already verygood at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of moneyfor them. They said, “This boy’s going to be famous when he’s little older, and then we’re goingto sell these pictures for a lot more money.”
Jimmy’s pictures were different from other people’s because he never painted on all of thepaper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.
”That’s very clever,” everyone said, “Nobody else does that!”
One day somebody bought one of Jimmy’s pictures and then said to him, “Please tell me this,Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?”
”Because I’m small,” Jimmy said, “and my burshes don’t reach very high.”
吉米三歲開始畫畫，五歲時已經畫得很好了。他畫了很多美麗而有趣的畫，人們出高價購買。他們說，“這個孩子長大一點肯定會出名，我們可以靠這些畫大賺一筆。”
吉米的畫與眾不同。因為他從來不在整張紙上作畫。他只畫一半的紙，而另一半他總空著。
“構思多么巧妙啊!”大家都說，“從來沒有人這么做過。”
有一天，一個人買了吉米的畫，然后問他：“請告訴我，吉米，你為什么總是在紙的下半部分畫畫，而不是在紙的上半部分?”
吉米說，“因為我個頭小，夠不著上面。” 簡短搞笑英文小笑話篇2
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. “Please God,” she said, “Make
Naples the capital of Italy.”
Her mother interrupted and said. “Julie, why do you want God to make
Naples the capital of Italy?”
And Julie replied, “Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!”
朱莉葉在做睡前祈禱。“禱告上帝。”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的
首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。”
媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都
呢?”
朱莉葉回答說：“因為我的地理考卷上是這么寫的。” 簡短搞笑英文小笑話篇3
Reggie:We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don’t know---does he bite?
Reggie: That’s what I want to find out.
它咬人嗎?
里基：我們又得到了一條新狗，你愿意過來和他玩一會嗎?
羅恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人嗎?
里基：這正是我想要查明的。
英文笑話(3)
A Brain transplant
A Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient,"For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist,or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it"s not better, just unused."
腦移植
一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。
“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎？”他問。
醫生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”
輕松講解：
perform a surgery
（醫生）做手術
They are generally not licensed to prescribe drugs or trained to perform surgery.
驗光師無權開藥方，也未受過手術的訓練。
brain transplant
大腦移植手術
I think the heart transplant is a wonderful thing.
我認為心臟移植是件神奇的事。
be amazed at
對…感到驚訝
I was amazed at her ability to cope with the difficult situation.
她對付困境的能力使我驚訝。
Good boy
好孩子
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。
"You"re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。"
"Here are two cents more.
“再給你兩分錢。
But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
"She is the one who sells the candy."
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Notes：
1.poor
adj. 貧窮的，貧乏的；令人憐憫的，可憐的；匱乏的；低劣的
n. the poor 貧困者，窮人
eg.
Poor thing!
可憐的人兒！
My English is poor.
我英文不好。
2.be interested in 對……感興趣
eg.
I would be interested in a ten-day trip around Christmas time.
我有興趣在圣誕節前后去玩10天。
3.be proud of 以……為豪
eg.
I am really proud of you.
我真為你感到驕傲。
英文笑話(4)
英文笑話帶翻譯爆笑
“大夫! 他說，“幫幫我!一個月前我吞了一分硬幣! “天哪， 大夫說，“ 早干嘛去了?你當時怎么不來看? “實話告訴您吧，大夫，窮人說，“我當時還不缺錢!爆笑英文笑話帶翻譯篇二A stewardess (空中小姐) wore a sparkling gold necklace , a plane model as a drop, lookingunique and professional. Detecting that somebody around was looking at her, she askedgracefully: “Is it pretty? “Very pretty, but the airport looks more fascinating(迷人的). Theother party wisecracked(說俏皮話).有位空姐帶著亮燦燦的金項鏈，項墜兒系一小飛機，顯得別致而有職業特點。 她發現有人在看，便大方地問了一句：“它漂亮嗎?“漂亮極了，不過，飛機場更漂亮!對方俏皮地說。 爆笑英文笑話帶翻譯篇三Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, thewading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.兩個殷切的釣魚愛好者要進行一次釣魚之旅。 他們租了一切所需的器材：魚線盤，釣竿，淺水服，小船，汽車，甚至一間林中小屋。 ，他們花了好多的錢。 The first day they go fishing, but they don"t catch anything. The same thing happens on thesecond day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of theirvacation, one of the men catches a fish.第一天去釣魚，他們什么也沒釣到。 第二天和第三天也是如此。 直到最后，在他們旅行的最后一天，其中一個人釣到了一條魚。 As they"re driving home they"re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Doyou realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"回家的路上，他們都感到十分沮喪。 一個人對另一個人說：“你發現沒有?為了釣這條倒霉的魚，我們花了1500塊錢?The other guy says, "Wow! It"s a good thing we didn"t catch any more!"另一個人說：“噢!幸虧我們沒有釣到更多的魚。 Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎么辦?Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."丹：“我也會教他怎么樣賽跑呢。 看了“爆笑英文笑話帶翻譯的人還看了：1.英文笑話帶翻譯爆笑大全2.經典英語笑話大全爆笑帶翻譯3.英語笑話帶翻譯爆笑大全4.經典英文笑話帶翻譯5.有關英文笑話帶翻譯爆笑
英文笑話(5)
1.貓和老鼠
——Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
——" What"s in your box?" asked the friend.
——"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I"ve been dreaming about mice at night and I"m so scared! This cat is to catch them."
—— "But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
——"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子。“盒子里裝的是什么？”朋友問道。“一只小貓，”布朗夫人回答說，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友說。“小貓也是假想的。”布朗夫人小聲說道。
2.Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn"t have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚后，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。于是，他爬到他的船里面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，“報告你的位置”。“I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會之后，警官問我的朋友，“你的船靠岸時開得有多快？”
3.The Mean Man"s Party
吝嗇鬼的聚會
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You"re not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”
4.Talking clock 會說話的鐘
——While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How"s it work?"
——"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It"s two o"clock in the morning!"
一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！”
5.那就更糟了 Much Worse
----Policeman: Why didn"t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
----Man: If I had opened my mouth, they"d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶你的手表時，你為什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。
6.需要推一下嗎 Need a push?
——A man is in bed asleep with his wife when there is a rat- a-tat-tat on the door.
——He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it"s half past three in the morning. "I"m not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.
——Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren"t you going to answer that?" says his wife.
——So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.
——He opens the door and there is man standing there. It didn"t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
——"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"
——"No, get lost(走開!), it"s half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.
——He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn"t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down on the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man"s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he"d told us to get lost??"
——"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.
——"It doesn"t matter." says the wife. "He needs our help, the right thing to do would be to help him."
——So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."
——So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"
——And the stranger replies: "I"m over here, on your swing(秋千)."
7.I know who God is !
A boy says to her mother, "Mom, is God a man or woman?"
The mom thinks a while and says, "Well, son, God is both man and woman."
The son is confused, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
The mother replies, "God is both black and white, honey."
The son, still curious, says after a while, "Is God gay or straight, mommy?"
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, "Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has
answered his question: "Is God Michael Jackson?"
兒子：媽媽，上帝是白人還是黑人？
媽媽：寶貝，上帝是白人也是黑人！
兒子：那上帝是男人還是女人？
媽媽：寶貝，上帝是男人也是女人！
兒子：哦。我知道了，上帝是邁克爾·杰克遜！
8.Two Lines In Heaven
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the men
that were whipped was 100 miles long,
and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"
——The man said, "I don"t know, my wife told me to stand here."
世上的每一個人都上了天堂 神說 :" 要男人分成兩隊 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人，另外女子自成一隊 , 跟著圣彼德去 ."
隊伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里長 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,僅有一人 .
神生氣的說 :" 你們男人應該感到羞恥 ,我按照自己的形象創造了你們 ,而你們被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的兒子 ,站著使我驕傲 . 你們應該向他學習 .告訴他們 , 兒子 ,你如何成為唯一站在這一隊上的 ?"
這男子回說 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在這的 !"
9.Proof that Girls are evil
證明女孩是魔鬼
1: First we state that girls require money and time
Girls = Time x Money
2: And we all know: time is money
Girls = Money x Money = Money ^2
3: And because money is the root of all evil
Money = Evil ^ 0.5
Therefore:
Girls = (Evil ^ 0.5) ^ 2
4: And we are forced to conclude that
Girls = Evil
See? I told you. :)
--Whatever life brings you, bring it on!
10.A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don "t know son. I "m still paying!!
一個小男孩問他的爸爸，結婚要花多少錢？爸爸說：我不知道，因為我仍然在付帳。
NOTE： pay這個詞不僅是付帳的意思，還有付出代價的意思，比如he must pay for what he did.他必須為他做的付出代價。
11.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter 偉大的獵手Jonesie
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
有個小村莊正為一只吃人的獅子而煩惱。于是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。 獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最后，他要求村長殺只羊然后把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上后，獵人到草原上去等獅子。 半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近后，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。
“Jonesie，怎么了？獅子在哪？”村長問。
“哪有獅子！”獵人怒吼道，“哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？”
12.Asking for a Raise要求加薪
At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn"t bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager"s secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a raise again?"
我在一家電臺工作。經理把我叫進他的辦公室，讓我預試一下我們準備購買的一套新的音響效果設備。他關上門，以免打擾外面辦公室的人。 聽了幾個常規的音響效果后，我們開始試聽低聲的呻吟，狂亂的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求逺和槍聲。最后我開門出去，從經理秘書旁邊經過時，她抬起頭問道：“又要求加薪了？”
13.Creative創造性
Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.
第一次求職時，我意識到在列舉我所具備的為數不多的條件時，得有點創造性。當問及我是否受過其它的培訓時，我老實地回答說我花了三年時間學計算機程序設計課。我得到了那份工作。 我沒有提到那門功課我重復學了三年才考及格。
14.Did You Know Him? 你認識他嗎？
——At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.
——"I sure was!" answered the host. "He"s the biggest jerk I"ve ever met. Did you know him too?"
——"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."
在朋友家的一次宴會上，主人提起一位高中時的校友。一位客人問他讀書期間，某位副校長是否也在職。
“當然了，”主人答道。“他是我見過的最大的混蛋。你也認識他嗎？”
“有點認識，”客人回答。“我媽媽上周六嫁給了他。”
15.How Much Is It? 多少錢？
——It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, "Look, Joe! Isn"t that beautiful!"
——He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" and took his money out to pay for it.
——It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!"
——Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?"
嚴冬來臨，荷曼太太想采購一大批東西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的時候，她拖著他去商店付錢連帶拎包裹。他們去了許多商店，荷曼太太買了一大堆東西。她經常停下腳步說道：“看，喬伊!那個多漂亮!”
他總是回答：“好吧!親愛的，多少錢？”然后掏錢去付款。
他們從最后一家商店出來的時候夜幕已經降臨，荷曼先生已精疲力盡了。他心里想著其它事情，比如在家里暖暖的火爐邊呷口美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，說道：“看那月亮多美，喬伊!”
荷曼先生不加思索答道：“好吧，親愛的，多少錢？”
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