英語幽默故事7篇
英語幽默故事(1)
英語幽默故事
Story 4 Are Flies Yummy?
Tony and his father are eating dinner.
Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”
Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky. Why do you ask me this question? It’s a silly question.”
But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”
故事4 蒼蠅好吃嗎？
托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。
突然，托尼問他的爸爸：“爸爸，蒼蠅好吃嗎？”
爸爸皺眉說：“我想不好吃。你怎么會問這個問題？這可是一個愚蠢的問題。”
可是托尼說：“剛才你盤子里有一只蒼蠅。”
英語幽默故事(2)
英語幽默故事精選
They are directly from America
它們是從美國直接帶來的 ?
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。” ?
As the years turn
.生日來臨之際
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President.? (Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.)When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. "There"s no privacy in this country any more,"she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "
我奶奶過82歲的生日時，我送給她一份驚奇的禮物—一張由總統簽名的生日賀卡。(根據規定，80歲以上的老年人可得到此項服務。)當我問奶奶收到來自白宮的賀卡有何感想時，她毫不猶豫地回答說:“在這個國家，再也沒有隱私了，他們就連你的生日都追蹤著。”
Identification
證明
A woman came into our bank to get a check cashed，but she didn"t have an account with us.? When I asked her for some identification, she showed me several charge cards，her Social Security card and a library card. I told her we needed a driver"s license，but she didri t have one.
一位婦女來到我們銀行想兌換一張支票，但她在我們這兒沒建立帳戶。當我問她要證明材料時，她把社會保險卡、圖書卡拿給我看。我告訴她我們要看她的駕駛證，她說她沒有。
?"Don"t you have something with your picture on it？"I asked.
“難道你就沒帶照片的東西嗎？”
"Oh, sure,"she said as she flipped to a family photo in her wallet. "That"s me in the back row. "
“噢，有啊，”她邊說邊從錢包里拿出一張合家照，“站在后排的那個就是我
Being considerate
.善解人意
I had iust learned to drive and, like most teen-agers，begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long，straight stretch on highway.I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road.Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station"s advertising sign. I stopped the cat and waited for a lecture.
像大多數的青少年一樣，我剛學會開車時，總想利用一切開車的機會。有一次家庭外出度假時，我經過請求，爸爸終于允許我在筆直的高速公路止駕駛。我感到十分榮幸，直到開到了一個急轉彎，由于轉盤轉動得太大，車直奔著加油站的廣告牌沖去。我停下了車，等著挨訓。
My father，always considerate of his children"s feelings，turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we"re here,does anyone need to use the rest room?"
我的父親總是考慮到孩子喲情緒，轉過身對家里的其他人說:“既然我們已經把車開到了這兒，有人想上廁所嗎?”
?A penny pincher
守財奴
There was once a large，fat woman who had a small，thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As soon as he got home on Fridays，his wife used to make hirn give her all his money，and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.
曾有一位塊兒大、膘肥的女人，她的丈夫卻是瘦小、干癟。丈夫是在一家大公司做事。每到周五晚上領到工資，也正是周五這位丈夫回家時，老婆就讓他把所有錢都交出來，然后再給他一點兒在辦公室吃午飯的錢。
One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living-room. His wife was listening to the radio and eating chocolates.”You"ll never guess what happened to me today，dear,"he said. He waited for a few seconds and then added:“I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!”
一天，這位小丈夫回到家，興奮得不得了。他匆匆忙忙地來到起居室。他老婆正在那兒聽廣播，吃巧克力。“親愛的，你永遠也猜不到我今天怎么了，”他說道，過了數秒鐘他又說:“我中了一萬英磅的彩票。”
"That"s wonderful!"said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily，"But wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the ticket?".
“太棒了!”他老婆非常高興地說。但她又沉思了一會兒并氣憤地問:“你說說，你拿什么錢買的彩票?”
It"s a reminder
只是提醒而已!
Trying to cut down on expenses，I decided to bring a sack lunch towork.? Unfortunately, I kept forgetting my sandwiches in my morning rush. One night I left myself a note near the front door.
為了減少開支，我決定工作時自帶午餐。不幸的是，在早上的忙亂中我總是忘了帶事先準備的三明治。一天晚上，我在前門上給自己貼了個紙條。
Next morning I spotted the message and went to the refrigerator, but my lunch wasn"t there. I retraced my steps and took a closer look at the note. Underneath "Don"t forget your lunch"my roommate had scrawled，"Thanks!”
第二天早上，我看見了條子，來到了冰箱前，卻發現我的午飯不見了。我順著原路，到了那張紙條前仔細一看，在我那張寫著“不要忘記帶你的午飯”的紙上，我的室友在下邊寫下了“謝謝”。
英語幽默故事(3)
英語幽默故事：You May Select
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"
The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
"Cabbage."
"The others?"
"None."
"Then how to select?"
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
Notes:
(1) complain v.抱怨
(2) cabbage n.白菜
Exercises:
根據短文選擇正確答案：
① What did the husband complain about?
A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish.
B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish.
C. His wife always cooked the same dish.
D. His wife didnt cook any dish.
② What question did the husband ask one day?
A. He asked what they would cat.
B. He asked if there was anything to eat.
C. He asked if there was any meat.
D. He asked if there was any cabbage.
③ The wife told him that_____ .
A. there was no meat
B. there was a lot of cabbage
C. he could select the dish
D. he could cook some other dishes
④ The husband was at first_____ .
A. very disappointed
B. very angry
C. very sad
D. very glad
⑤ We can be sure that_____ .
A. the family had nothing to eat on that day
B. the family had only one dish on that day
C. the family had several dishes an that day
D. the family went out to a restaurant on that day
中文翻譯：
可以選擇
丈夫抱怨妻子總是做同樣的一種菜。
一天，丈夫回到家，問妻子：“親愛的，今天我們吃啥菜？”
妻子回答：“今天你可以選擇。”
丈夫感到非常高興，又問：“都有哪些菜呢？”
“炒白菜。”
“還有呢？”
“沒了。”
“那你要我怎么選呢？”
“吃還是不吃！”妻子一本正經地說道。
練習參考答案：
1 C②A③C④D⑤B
英語幽默故事：Hunting Skills
Two Russian hunters meet. "I shot a gigantic bear yesterday," says Ivan. "Look at the hide!"
"How do you find such huge bears?" Sergei asks.
"Easy," says Ivan. "You stand in front of a cave and whistle. When the bear comes out, you shoot."
Weeks later the two meet again. Sergei is covered in bandages. "Didnt you follow my advice?" Ivan asks.
"Sure I did. I stood, in front of a cave and whistled, " Sergei replies.
"And what came out?"
"To me, "says Sergei, "it looked like the Trans-Siberian Express."
Notes:
(1) hide n.獸皮
(2) bandage n.繃帶
(3) whistle v.吹哨子；鳴笛
(4) Trans-Siberian Express 穿越西伯利亞的快車
Exercises:
根據短文判斷下列句子正（T）、（F）：
① Ivan shot a gigantic bear yesterday.
② Ivan showed Sergei the hide of the bear.
③ Ivan taught Sergei how to hunt huge bears.
④ Sergei didnt follow Ivan s advice.
⑤ Sergei was hit by a train.
中文翻譯：打獵的技巧
兩個俄國獵人相遇。“我昨天打了一只巨熊，”伊凡說，“看看這獸皮！”
“你是如何發現這么大的熊的？”謝爾蓋問道。
“簡單，”伊凡說，“你站在一個洞前并吹哨子。熊出來時你就開槍。”
幾周后，兩人見面了。謝爾蓋渾身纏滿了繃帶。“難道你沒有聽我的建議？”伊凡問。
“我當然是按你的建議做的。我站在一個洞前并吹哨子，”謝爾蓋回答說。
“出來了什么？”
“向著我來的，”謝爾蓋說，“像是穿越西伯利亞的快車。”
練習參考答案：
T②F③T④F⑤T
英文謎語十則
Ask:
1. What wears a cap but has no head?
2. What rises in the morning and waves all day?
3. What is an astronomer?(天文學家)?
4. How can you tell clocks and watches are shy?
5. What is wind?
6. What comes after the letter "A"?
7. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
8. What word can you make shorter by adding to it?
9. What person does every man take his hat off to?
10. Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school?
Answer:
1. A bottle.
2. A flag.
3. A night watchman with a college education..
4. Because they always have their hands in front of their faces.
5. Air in a hurry.
6. All the other letters.
7. Teapot.
8. Short.
9. A barber.
10. Because he wants to go to high school.
英文謎語十則
1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows, and no floors?
A mushroom.(蘑菇)
2. What is smaller than an insects mouth?
Anything it eats.
3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?
Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)
4. Whats too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?
A secret.
5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?
A photographer.
6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isnt a cat?
A kitten.(小貓)
7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours?
Day breaks, but doesnt fall; night falls, but doesnt break.
8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?
An echo.(回聲)
9. What do you know about the kings of France?
They are all dead.
10. What question can you never answer yes" to？
Are you asleep?
英文謎語大挑戰
Ask:
1. Who isnt your sister and isnt your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father?
2. What has teeth but cannot eat?
3. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them?
4. Why does time fly?
5. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
6. What animal eats and drinks with its tail?
7. What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never
speaks?
8. What kind of dog never bite?
9. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
10. What did one invisible man say to the other invisible man?
Answer:
1. I myself.
2. A comb.
3. A farmer.
4. To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.
5. The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
6. All do. No animal takes off its tail when eating and drinking.
7. A river.
8. A hot dog.
9. Because it cant sit down.
10. Its nice not to see you again.
Riddles
1. What kind of dog doesn"t bite or bark?
(什么狗不能咬也不能叫？)
2. What table is in the field?
3. What is the only thing you can break when you say its name?
(唯一一個當你說出它的名字時就會打破它的東西是什么？)
4. What is the most difficult key to turn?
（最難擰的鑰匙是什么？）
5. What is black When it is clean and white when it is dirty?
(什么東西干凈的時候是黑的，臟的時候是白的？)
KEY：
1. Hot dog.
2. Vegetable.
3. Silence.
4. A donkey.
5. The Blackboard.
趣味英語：令人捧腹的三則英語笑話
Feel Unhappy.心里難受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
兒子：是不是當心里難受時，就不應該再給他精神或肉體上的刺激？
父親：那當然！
兒子：那好，這次我有兩門功課不及格，我現在心里很難受。
父親(氣憤地)：什么？你……
It’s not that. 不是那樣的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn’t raining.
A：我看見7個女孩共撐一把傘卻沒有一個被淋濕。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的傘吧！
A：不是，當時并沒有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。
媽媽：你只關心這個嗎？不會比一下其它東西？
兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。
寓言故事：The goose with the golden eggs
One morning a countryman went to his gooses nest, and saw a yellow and glittering egg there.
He took the egg home. To his delight, he found that it was an egg of pure gold.
Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs.
The countryman became more and more greedy. He wanted to get all the gold at once, so he killed the goose, when he looked inside, he found nothing in its body.
生金蛋的鵝
一天早晨，一位農夫發現自家的鵝窩中有一只金燦燦的蛋。
他將蛋帶回家，驚喜地發現這是一個金蛋。
此后，農夫每天都能得到一個金蛋。從此，他靠賣他的金蛋變得富有起來。
農夫變得越來越貪婪，他想一下子得到鵝肚子中所有的金蛋。于是他殺死了鵝，但是，鵝肚子中什么也沒有。
寓意: 如果不懂得知足，貪得無厭，我們就會失去已經擁有的東西。
國家與首都（一）
國家與首都（二）
英語典故故事——Drop the other shoe
意思是"扔下另一只鞋"。不過，在英語中多數成語都有引申的含意，不可直譯。那么，drop the other shoe 到底是什么意思呢？這里，有一個小故事：
A man who lives on an upper floor of a rooming house comes home late at night and starts to undress. First he takes off one shoe and drops it loudly on the floor, waking up the man in the room below. Then he remembers to be quiet. He takes off the other shoe and sets it down carefully and silently. After a long interval, his neighbor, who has been lying awake all this time, yells up, "For God"s sake, drop the other shoe!"
（從前有個人住在公寓的樓上。他每晚回家都很晚。當他脫衣準備睡覺時，總會重重地把鞋甩到地上。這巨大的聲音總是把樓下住的人吵醒。后來有一天他脫鞋時照例把一只鞋甩了出去，可是正在這時，他想起了樓下人的抱怨，于是輕輕地放下了另一只鞋。而樓下的人已經被第一只鞋落地的聲音吵醒。他想只有等第二只鞋落地了才能安睡。可是等了很久也沒有聲音。他終于受不了了，沖著樓上大喊：把另一只鞋脫了吧！）
drop the other shoe 就是源于這個故事，其確切意思是指"結束懸念或公布結果等"。我們用成語的時候要注意場合，不同的句子中應根據具體情況靈活運用。比如：
He looks so worried because he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.
（他看起來很著急，這是因為他正在等著公布結果。）
i do it for you
歌手:bryan adams
bryan adams (everything i do it)i do it for you
look into my eyes-you will see
what you mean to me
search your heart-search your soul
and when you find me there
you"ll search no more
don"t tell me it"s not worth trying for
you can"t tell me it"s not worth dying for
you know it"s true
everything i do i do it for you
look into my heart-you will find
there"s nothing there to hide
take me as i am-take my life
i would give it all i would sacrifice
don"t tell me
it"s not worth fighting for i can"t help it
it is nothing i want more
you know it"s true
everything i do i do it for you
oh yeah there"s no love-like your love
and no other-could give more love
there"s nowhere-unless you"re there
all the time-all the way yeah...
look into your heart baby
(music)
oh you can"t tell me
it"s not worth trying for i can"t help it
there"s nothing i want more
i would fight for you i"d lie for you
walk the wire for you-i"d die for you
you know it"s true
everything i do i do it for you
英語幽默故事(4)
英語幽默故事
Story 15 That Is Not My Dog!
A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”
The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.
“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
故事15 那不是我的狗
一個婦人走進一家寵物店，看見一只很可愛的小狗。她問店主：“你的狗咬人嗎？”
店主說：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
于是這個婦人試著撫摸小狗，可是小狗卻咬了她。
“哎喲！”婦人說，“我想你剛才還說你的狗不咬人。”
店主人回答說：“那不是我的狗。”
英語幽默故事(5)
To?be?polite
To be polite
學會禮貌
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waitar took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
一天，比爾和湯姆去餐館吃飯。當服務員端上兩份牛排時，比爾飛快地為自己挑了比較大的那塊。
Tom wasn"t happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
湯姆對此很不開心：“你什么時候能學會禮貌？”
Bill: "lf you had the chanca to pick first,which one would you pick?"
比爾說．“如果讓你先拿，你會拿哪個？”
Tom: "The smaller piece,of course."
湯姆說：“當然是小的那個。”
Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want,right?"
比爾：那你還抱怨什么？小的那個不就是你想要的，不是嗎?
英語幽默故事(6)
英語幽默小故事
1、New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young
model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"
新發現
一個鄉下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進一座大樓，看見一個歲數很大的矮胖女人邁進一個小房間。房間的門隨后關上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
鄉下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：“我應該把我的老婆帶來!”
hillbilly
n. 鄉下人，鄉巴佬.
pudgy
adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的
drawl
vt, vi慢吞吞地說；拉長語調地說
2、Always Thirsty
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
總感到口渴
一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術，手術后醫生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎？”
“不疼，可是我總感到口渴。”
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That"s too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I"d know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？”
“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You"re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest"s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
英語小笑話
上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎么反應這么快, 聯想力這么豐富時,旁邊的
一個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能詳的喔! 下次就換你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"且話僂蚰昴?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\"t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\"s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn"t his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試
舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣？
母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個
可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
Magic change
神奇變化
Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him.
One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(靜悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大聲地)。
Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(聽見)him crying and flew down(飛下來，落下來). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.”
Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck.
Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends
英語幽默故事(7)
English Funny Stories
I"m Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？” “沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I"m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy"s tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example? John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子？ 約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
?The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "I"ll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.". 教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了？” “我來試試看，”一位老太太說。 “該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
